Are the results of the latest BMJ Open research really so surprising? A survey of 6,669 British women and 4,839 British men who had one or more sexual partner during the previous year showed that 34.2% of the women and 15% of the men told about little interest in sex. Too much for the statement that all relationships can be ideal all the time.
Cynthia A. Graham from the University of Southampton, Catherine H. Mercer, Clare Tanton, Kyle G. Jones and Anne M. Johnson from University College London, Kaye Wellings from the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and Kirstin R Mitchell from the University of Glasgow conducted the research, which showed that lack of sexual interest was higher among women who had a relationship that lasted longer than a year.
Really, women who had a relationship between 1 and 5 years long were 45% more likely to lose sexual interest than those whose relationship lasted less than a year. Women who had a relationship from 5 to 15 years were 137% more likely and the ones with the longest relationships – over 15 years – were 131% more likely.
Yes, the situation in Great Britain doesn’t necessarily represent the situation in the whole world. But there’s a big chance that decrease of interest over time also happens in relationships in other places. After all, everything that can be obtained can also be lost. So, why is this happening and how can you improve it? Just ignoring it is definitely not the best answer. When you or your significant other don’t enjoy
After all, everything that can be obtained can also be lost. So, why is this happening and how can you improve it? Just ignoring it is definitely not the best answer. When you or your significant other don’t enjoy sexy time, it can keep sending the same awful message – “I find you unattractive,” – to each other. Better ask yourself the next questions.
The Main Questions to Ask Yourself
[su_pullquote]Are you with the person that fits you?[/su_pullquote] Starting to lack interest in sex over time can be only a sign that you’re not with the right person. After all, if you’re with somebody, you really may be with the wrong person.
We excuse for bursting your bubble but, as Today reported long ago, Peter Backus, a mathematics expert in the United Kingdom counted his odds of finding true “second half” at 1 in 285,000 in his study named “Why I Don’t Have A Girlfriend,” which is more than 28 times worse than the odds of the New York Jets winning the Super Bowl this year.
Of course, your chances can be a little better than this (and Backus did eventually find his love), humans can be terrible at knowing what is really suitable for them, one more reason why Gary Dahl earned millions by selling a pet rock.
Finding somebody who is truly right for you is hard and takes patience. Starting a relationship can resemble an impulse buy like purchasing a pet rock.
Fear of loneliness, superficial look, momentary desire, needing somebody for a romantic picnic, Giants season tickets, or lots of other fleeting reasons without real compatibility can make you start a relationship with somebody.
But over time, you can begin to realize that your purchase was only a rock in some pretty packaging. Sadly, when you’re in a parking spot, social opinion, fear of the unknown and loneliness, simple inertia, or the Giants season tickets can make it hard to leave.
[su_pullquote]Maybe, you are too busy?[/su_pullquote] Sex requires time, and multi-tasking during sex is not a good variant. If you really can’t find enough time for sex with your job, children, or Game of Thrones commitments, schedule and prioritize sex. Ensure you block out transit time before and after sex – it’s an awful form to have to call and say, “sweetie, I’m stuck in traffic, can we reschedule?”
[su_pullquote]Do you not speak about it…you know about that?[/su_pullquote] Scarcity of sex can be the elephant in the room, meaning that nobody of you want to discuss the problem. There can be a definite explanation like, “job or child care are too tiresome or require too much time,” or, “having the TV and cartoons on doesn’t help at all,” or, “I am no more attracted to you,” or, “we’ve got an elephant in the room.” Talking is the only way to real solutions.
[su_pullquote]Is one of you truly not good at sex?[/su_pullquote] Sex can be compared to riding a tandem bicycle — not because you pedal a lot, but it is a skill which needs synchronizing — and everybody can improve. Nobody can do it greatly for the first time or with too little practice or probably even without training. Also, sex is a personal thing so you and your lover have to discuss your preferences.
[su_pullquote]Are one or both of you out of shape?[/su_pullquote] We remind you that sex is like riding a bicycle. You don’t need to be an Olympic champion and sport skills don’t have to correlate with prowess. But sex is a physical action that requires some amount of wellness and shape. Maybe a change in your food habits or doing regular exercise can make things better. If you’ve done it all and are still struggling, consider talking to your physician.
[su_pullquote]Does one of you have a health issue?[/su_pullquote] A more severe medical condition can be involved such as an imbalance of hormones, infection diseases, diabetes, heart illnesses, cancer, neurological problems, and other issues. In case you suppose that one of you can have a health problem, consult with a physician and never just purchase something off an advertisement.
[su_pullquote]Are pills, drugs, or booze a problem?[/su_pullquote] These factors can inhibit sex drive or cause side effects that can make it harder. In some cases change in sex desire may be the first sign of addiction.
[su_pullquote]Has the freshness worn off?[/su_pullquote] Supposing that you and your “second half” fit each other in all other ways (e.g., the same values, mutual respect and, of course, Giants season tickets), often that fresh car smell has just gone. Don’t forget that every relationship has to evolve and adapt. It can’t be like going to the deli and become only a routine. It’s also doesn’t resemble a river or a hunger. It’s more like a rose. You have to be constantly putting in the effort to make it grow and maintain it. So, you might wish to try various methods of spicing up sexy time. In case your loved one is reluctant to try something new, perhaps it is a sign that you are not with the right person.
[su_pullquote]Are you stressed, worried, sad, or struggling mentally?[/su_pullquote] Lack of desire can be one of the signs that something’s going wrong in your life. Probably it’s your lover that’s not right in your life, but probably it’s something another. If your struggles are bothering you from becoming physically interested in your significant one, then you may need some help.
[su_pullquote]Maybe, you just don’t like sex?[/su_pullquote] OK, people’s sexual desires can be different. Nobody, except you, can decide how many sex you need. A no-sex relationship or marriage is not always a bad one, if (and here’s the main thing) both people are truly satisfied with that. After all, relationships are about fitting each other.
Don’t Make Excuses!
But you should be careful about making up too many other excuses for lack of sexual desire except the ones that are written above. You can go a long time suppressing and trying to explain why you can’t get what you truly want.
Talking with some of my friends who had a divorce recently has demonstrated that the sexual part of their relationships vanished years before they officially parted. It’s typical to stay in relationships long after the moment where you finally understood that this partner wasn’t right for you.
Of course, this is a waste of time for you and him/her. Lack of sexual interest can be like a canary in a coal mine for a relationship. It’s better to take it seriously. Discuss it and try to find a solution.
If the reason isn’t temporary or easily fixable, it can be a warning sign that you don’t really fit each other. Don’t be afraid of the unknown or solitude. Moreover, your chances to find somebody who suits you better are probably more than 1 in 285,000, and Giants season tickets aren’t so necessary for you.